Dress to Impress Yourself

You don’t have to lecture me (Mom) about the value of a good education. Where we differ is where you get that education. I spent your wad of cash going to school and learned two things: how to manipulate people to get what I want and how to spot people who are manipulating me. Now before you get all high and mighty, You gotta admit to the “Power of Persuasion.” I have gained access to more shows and been gifted more cocktails with a bit of sweet talk and a smile than any Budweiser Girl in a short skirt on a cigarette break. But that wink and a smile is not all it takes. I look slammin’. And I am not talking about a short skirt. For those of you that are still reading, listen up—Dress. The. Part.

Fashion is not a clichéd LV bag (you know who you are), or an amazing (and amazingly expensive) coat from Marc Jacobs. While I love an amazing coat from MJ, that ain’t My Fashion—that’d be Marc’s Fashion. You gotta own your own. So here’s how you do it:

  1. Buy a full length mirror
  2. look in the full length mirror
  3. Buy a hand-held mirror
  4. Turn around and look in the full-length mirror again
  5. Ask yourself, “She/he looks worthy of _______ (insert whatever you want here. I usually am good with a VIP pass and a roll of drink tickets).”

Your style is 360. Treat it that way. And if you look at yourself in the mirror, coming and going, and can’t say to yourself, “Fuck I’m cool,” then throw out that outfit (and every other one you have hanging on sad skinny wire hangers that don’t pass the test.) The path to a truly excellent life is to dress like you have a truly excellent life. And, it ain’t about money Cats. I have met enough trustafarians who look Gawd-awful and ridiculous in a set of natty dreads and their counterparts, the Barbies covered in logos, to know for sure and certain that money is actually a detractor to fashion. As soon as you start wearing logos, peppering statements with dropped names and look like you walked off the pages of last month’s Vogue, you are NOT cool. And what I mean by that is you look like you do not have a functioning braincell in your skull or creative bone in you back. Get an opinion of your own and wear it.

You’re scared. Don’t know where to start. What’s the secret, you ask? Cuz there’s always a secret, right? Yes. The secret is accessories. Now, that’s easy for women. The consumer market—and Charming Charlie all on her own—has made accessorizing cheap and easy. In fact, the goods are so good now you don’t even have to look cheap. Sparkly things and vintage-looking pieces can be had for beans. And they look great if you know how to pull it together (that will be the follow up post).
For the guys, well, less is more. Maybe spend a bit more money on your haircut and brush your teeth, but other than that all guys need to do is wear a pair of jeans that aren’t falling off you ass and a t-shirt to makes us ladies want to take it off. Lucky. But not so lucky getting free drinks at the bar or getting past the bouncer without an armband. Lucky comes as lucky goes I suppose.

Back to center, let me just say persuasion (or manipulation) is currency all on it’s own. Forget how much things cost and make your style yours. If you gotta shop in thrift stores, go do that! You can find some actual gems there. Just please promise me the only thing you will buy from the Gap is a plain colored t-shirt (no cheesy sayings, either). If you can master your look you can master the power to make the world your own.

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